Sleep...I'll Pay You If You Come

If you are reading this article past 3 AM, I’m glad to know I have some company. Ever since the last day of high school, when we had an event called Project Graduation, to serve us a last moment together without homework or exams or any worries until 6 in the morning, my sleeping pattern has been disturbed, if not completely eradicated. This went on into the years of undergrad college life, and has decided to stick. I’ve since graduated and moved on with my life, working in the “real world” and settling in on my own. And while I plug away at life’s continuous cyclic demands, somehow I find myself a perpetual insomniac. What gives?


I have tried all kinds of things. I’ve used herbal remedies and even Eastern Ayurvedic medicines recommended by a friend’s father. I’ve tried to count sheep, cats, even elephants (though it’s hard to imagine elephants jumping over a fence). I’ve turned off the television, radio, computer, all those “mind stimulating” objects, and decided instead to pick up a book and listen to relaxation or new age music. I’ve changed my diet, I’ve tried sleep eye masks, changed my mattress, changed my pillow, even changed my sleeping position. But to no avail. I keep seeing commercials for sleep medications, like Ambien and Lunesta. Those people apparently sleep like babies. My doctor tells me my condition is not “poor” enough to take them. So I lie awake at nigh, sometimes past 4 or 5 in the morning. Is it possible to be jet-lagged without having been on a plane?


I'm starting to think of embracing this kind of a lifestyle, staying awake all night and working on these fabulously entertaining articles (or incredibly boring ones that make you go to sleep, either way they serve a purpose). But then again I see too many downfalls with this kind of a life, mainly that I have nothing or no one to keep me entertained (besides those hilariously awful infomercials…anyone see that slap chop rap one?). So if any of my dedicated readers have any suggestions about how I can fix my sleep issues, or if you know any hunky men who can keep me company till sunrise, please let me know!